I understand this sentiment and hear it a lot from clients - “Nothing huge, just small stuff that’s built up.” But the thing is, each misunderstanding or unsaid ‘thing’, creates a fracture, weakening the foundation, that one day builds into a larger crack.

So it’s all important, it all counts.

Here’s a framework to go through to stop those cracks from having an impact:

1 - What’s going on for you?

I want to understand:
What are you holding back, and why?
How are you feeling about working together, and how has that changed? 
When you say everything looks fine on the surface, whose opinion is that?
How are you pulling back? Why are you pulling back?
What about this potential conversation feels awkward for you?

The goal of these questions is to understand the deeper trigger that’s showing up for you, because it’s quite rare that the thing we’re actually triggered by, is the real underlying cause…

For example, if we feel annoyed that our co-founder ordered white mugs for the office, it’s not about the fact that we hate white mugs, it’s really about power and control. IE: “When you make decisions without my input, it makes me feel like you don’t value my opinion, and I feel left out.”

Get the idea? Take time to reflect on what it is that’s reallyyy bothering you here.

2 - What can you do?

As the questions above suggest, this is an experience happening for YOU, it’s YOURS - so you’re the only one that can influence it. 

When you’re clear on what the real trigger is here, how can you address that? What do you need to do? Who do you need to become? Take accountability, and get curious and creative. 

3 - Why are you holding back?

Now you’re clearer on what’s really bothering you, and what needs to happen within you to support that, we can consider how to stop holding things back.

What’s the goal of this conversation with your co-founder? What do you want it to achieve? If it’s better alignment, hold that as the aim, rather than proving something right or wrong (spoiler: that never build sustainable connection), and use that aim to motivate you to set up this conversation.

4 - What do you want to communicate? 

Communicate this from your perspective and experience. Talk about what’s going on for you using ‘I’ statements and taking accountability - no blame or assumptions.

Go in honest, open and curious, focus on how to strengthen this partnership rather than go over what isn’t working. Approaching it with that positive lens shifts it from being tense, to being a creative conversation about what’s possible.  

You’ve got this.