There’s a particular weight that comes from feeling like you’re the one making sure everything gets done. It’s not just the work - it’s the shift in dynamic. What started as being ‘organised’ or ‘proactive’ can slowly turn into feeling like the manager, and that’s where resentment builds - because this isn’t the partnership you thought you were building, and you’re not sure what to do about it.

What I’d be curious to understand first is: when did this pattern begin, and why? Was there a moment where you saw clear evidence that without you pushing, things genuinely didn’t move? Or is this a role you naturally fall into?

Some people are wired to plan and drive action, and that can be a real strength. But it can also become a long-term default that repeats across situations and relationships - you step in because you can. Because it’s what you’ve always done. And maybe because it feels safer to be the one in control

The fact that you’re questioning your role in this dynamic matters. In any partnership, there are two contributors. That means this pattern isn’t happening to you; it’s happening between you. And the health of that dynamic is a shared responsibility.

Underneath all of this is a very understandable fear: if I stop stepping in, what happens? You’re worried nothing will get done. That might be true… but it might not. And until something shifts, you won’t actually know.

So ask yourself what you’re really afraid of. Is it missed deadlines? Standards dropping? Letting people down? And if so, what sits beneath that - are you worried about what it says about you?

Or is it more relational - that raising this could create tension or distance?

I’d also want to know how much of this has been discussed openly. Do you know how your co-founder sees the dynamic? Do they feel supported - or managed? Are they even aware you’re feeling this drained?

Right now, a lot of energy is going into wondering. Wondering if it’s on you. Wondering what would happen if you stopped. Wondering whether you’ve created it…

So the first step is to move from wondering to finding out. Have the conversation. Share your experience. Get their perspective. You might discover they’ve been operating under completely different assumptions.

You could start broadly - asking how you both feel about your workflow, priorities, and ownership. Or you could be more direct - sharing that you’ve been feeling responsible for driving things, and that it’s starting to affect how the partnership feels for you. Ask how they see it.

From there, the focus isn’t on rehashing the past. It’s on redesigning the structure. Clarify ownership. Agree what accountability looks like. Create a system where both of you feel empowered and responsible.