This question comes up a lot, and many people are searching for a kind of decision tree. If my partner does X, it means Y, so I should do Z. But partnerships don’t work like that. We’re not machines - we feel things, and those feelings are subjective, layered, and hard to categorise. Trying to reduce that into a set of rules usually leaves people second-guessing themselves even more.

In reality, it’s helpful to pay attention to both internal and external cues.

Internal cues are often the first signal. These might show up as a drop in energy, irritation that lingers longer a tad longer then expect, reduced motivation or creativity, or a sense of disconnection… If something is affecting you internally, that alone is information worth paying attention to.

At the same time, external cues can provide useful context. Is it starting to affect output? Decision making? The wider team? Pace of progress? When you can see a clear impact on the business, it often becomes easier to recognise that this isn’t just personal friction - it’s influencing the business you’re both responsible for.

What matters next is what you do with that information. While other people’s behaviour can trigger reactions in us, we are responsible for how we interpret and respond to what we’re feeling. No one can make us feel a certain way; our reactions are often shaped by our own patterns, expectations, and beliefs.

Seen through that lens, these moments are also information about you. If something is bothering you, it’s worth asking what this situation is revealing about your beliefs, what feels threatened, or where you might be operating from old assumptions. If you’re feeling stressed by someone else’s behaviour, that’s not something to dismiss - but it’s a signal to start with your internal patterns before raising it with them.

From there, it can be helpful to ask yourself what you actually want from a conversation. Are you looking for change? Clarity? Reassurance? To feel heard? Or simply to say something out loud so it doesn’t stay stuck in your head? The purpose will shape whether sharing feels constructive, and how you choose to do it.

Having someone outside the partnership - a friend, mentor, coach etc - can be also be super valuable. Sometimes you just need to say it out loud to release the pressure, and that space can help separate what’s yours to work through, from what actually needs to be voiced.

And finally, consider the container. Partnerships work best when there’s an agreed space to talk about the dynamic, not just the work. Regular check-ins, partnership reviews, and flagging you have something you wan to discuss about how you’re working together (follow the CLEAR model), make it easier to raise things early and constructively, rather than waiting until tension builds.

There’s no universal rule here. This is about building self-awareness, shared agreements, and the confidence to trust your own signals - internal and external - and respond with good intention...